The SKY PIRATE READER
(An Encyclopedia)
AS COMPILED BY REDSHIFT 4.26
Index of Terms
Arcturian Cocoa
Arcturian Cocoa is a beverage made from sweet cocoa grown on the slopes of the extinct volcanoes of Actur Three, Nectar made by the hives of the race known as The Biez, and evaporated cream from Terran Jersey Cows. Sometimes served with a drop of That-Which-Warms-The-Belly, a liqueur mixture invented by ShyOne’s Uncle.
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Atropians
Small planet in the western outreaches of the Horsehead Nebula, characterized by its synchrochromatic purple atmosphere. The Atropians (the natives and only inhabitants of the planet) are a race of women best known for their exemplary abilities in battle and cuddlepiles. The atropian personal conjoinment structure is based on the seeking out of “searsouls” (spirit sharing partners)but are encouraged and driven to seek out “handmates” (indelible symbiopathic friendships) in their missions and travels. Atropians are also widely known for their contributions to anti-Corpratic weapons development [See Also: ZXQ28134210 Cyclical Turbomissile Gyre] and have created several infamous tacticals for use against the “Redsticks” (Corprat invaders). All Atropians, without exception are dedicated anticorpratic warriors. The most obvious differentiation between Atropians and other races can be seen in the Atropian inability to run away from battle without, quite literally, losing their heads, which is why Atropian fashion dictates the use of “Cranial security” bands fashioned around the temples that allows their them to root their heads securely to the shoulder buckles of their (purple) uniforms in case of required retreat. All in all, the Atropians are friendly creatures that are as apt at warming your heart as they are at defending your front lines from Corprat intruders.
The Atropian planetary creed is: “Fight with love! Laugh with rage!”
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Bag O’ Stuff
The Reality that is the Bag O’ Stuff is the creation of the Ancients of Arctur Three based on the Belief that the only limit to that which can be created is the limits of the unfettered creative will. Having taken at times the form of a green canvas duffel bag, a hiking pack, a knapsack, and a battered black attaché case, the Bag of Stuff is a window into the personal reality of the Bearer, a portal through which objects may be transported through power of Belief from one Reality to another. The current Bearer of the Bag O’ Stuff is the Engineer of Arctur Three known as ShyOne.
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Ecto-gal
[see also: Halo, Planet]
Ecto-gal, a shimmery, vibrant creature from Halo, spends much of her time doing good works, such as stopping evil alien ships from attacking her friends, the jolly Sky Pirates, by smushing chocolate soufflees into the aliens’ control panels, at great sacrifice, and she hopes Some Beings realize this.
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Gematria
Many paradigms ago, when the Sky Pirates first collided with Terra Firma [See Goombaboy’s “The History of the Sky Pirates: Year 0”] a small unseen thread developed from the cross-hatchings of a mating cuttlefish that was having it on with a ring-dove that was serving as a courier for the Pope. Which Pope is absolutely irrelevant and far too abstract for the Sky Pirates anyway. One of these hatchlings was born deathly ill and yet it held enormous capabilities in trans-dimensional communication. It cried out for help, and shortly thereafter received a response from the Holy Willow Tree/Sky Pirate-Transmutation Father Alien who relayed the distress signal to some nearby Sky Pirate medical engineers.
The engineers found Gematria’s frail juuust post-fetal body and quickly relocated it to the nearest Off-World laboratory, where they shamelessly experimented on it with their latest Wooden bone transplant technologies, that were then currently in development. Miraculously, the surgery went well, and Gematria blossomed into a strong healthy, albeit warped Sky Pirate with the very first Wooden Skeleton.
The stories of Gematria’s exploits could go on for many a fortnight, but for the purposes of this entry let it suffice to say that if the Sky Pirates were there Gematria was as well, looking out for them, and always making sure the One Light always flows freely from a pure source of love and roadkill.
At the time of this entry [Please refer to publishing date] Gematria was under a Sacred order by the Great Walla Walla to investigate the Robot Pride Day Uprisings on NatureWorld, from aboard the famous ship 08.ZIYA.
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Goddestroyer1
Central Command War Ship in the frontline Sky Pirate fleet. Goddestroyer1 was made famous by its legendary crew which included G-Lightflash, Trampoline Cop, and Goombaboy during the High Balcony Era.
Goddestroyer1 is often flanked by its sister vessel The Stinky Piggy Truck.
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Goombaboy
Goombaboy, hailing from the Nug planet is the author of the Sky Pirate Chronicles. It is said he was actually in one of the Anti-Grav pods that flew over the Chemical Light Factory when the first Corprat Ships descended upon Planet Natureworld to quell the mayhem. As a result, it is possible that Goombaboy was actually afforded a glance at the nature and scope of the mysterious force that strikes fear into the hearts of Corprat minions everywhere – the force known as Darla.
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Great Ape of York, The
The mysterious source that powers the 08.ZIYA. Must be carefully fed Tendon yoghurt at regular intervals.
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Halo, Planet
[see also: Ecto-Gal]
“The planet Halo, which is light years past the Horsehead Nebula, first left at the gas station, was formerly populated by material beings, like most other planets in this general vicinity. However, since our sun went oprah, and we became extremely lazy about corporeal upkeep, we have evolved into luminous, organic, holographic, ectoplasmic beings, which has proved to be a real time saver.
The planet itself is nothing but a shimmering, diaphanous sphere, made up of photo-electro-magnetically charged particles, not unlike ourselves. Those who see it compare it to Terra’s aurora borealis, except that_we_ have deeper crimsons, more lustrous golds, flashier viridians, and mo’ better blues.
We ecto-beings are not constrained by matter, and can travel by holographically astral-projecting our images, which is really all we have, anywhere we like. On some planets we have visited, we have been mistaken for ghosts, which was very embarrassing all round and we’d really like to forget that incident.
We can become material for short periods of time, by vibrating our ecto-molecules in a maelstrom-y kinda way, so that we can enjoy the pleasures of material existence to the fullest. The most popular holiday for denizens of Halo is to astral-project to Terra, vibrate into corporeal reality, and then scarf down a whole chocolate soufflee. Many songs and stories, including Halo’s most famous (and longest) epic poem, have been written about this exquisite, and very filling, experience.
When at home, we like to quiver and phosphoresce in the Great Aurora (the most vivid part of the planet), while music molecules lick and tickle our photons. The greatest sin on Halo is seriousness, for levity is revered. The economy of Halo is based on the manufacture and export of nebulizers.”
[Dictated but not read by Ecto-Gal]
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High Weasel, The
Reviled by many and feared by a few less than that, the High Weasel is the nefarious CEO of the Corprat Empyre whose Corprat Minions are the bane of peace and creativity everywhere.
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Jadefox 2.0
Working under the guidance of the Great Walla Walla, Jadefox 2.0, infamous Captain of the Giant Purple Football – a rogue ship she commandeered from the Sirius Vampyres – brought the ship, after much modification with parts she borrowed from the Black Market at Station Wetsex, to command the Autogard Fleet – a rebel force that was rumoured to have loose ties to the Sky Pirates. She was later schooled in the ways of the Sky Pirates by Peaches, a friend she had made during a brief stop-over at The Lullaby Cabaret and who eventually brought her to a top-secret council of Sky Pirate commanders where her name was officially inducted into the canon of Sky Pirate heroes.
A specialist in the pushing of buttons and tweaking of knobs, Jadefox 2.0 quickly climbed the ranks of the League to be ordained not only SP Prom Queen but the Official Maker of Cakes.
Jadefox 2.0 is a master in the art of Linguistic Combat and Innuendo and has been known to take on an entire band of Breeding Fungal Stalk Recluses with a mere blast of Well-Timed Inference.
Little is known of Jadefox 2.0’s early history but for that she is suspected to be from the Desert of Willow Blossoms, east of the Horsehead Nebula, left at the Intergalactic Naked Slip N’ Slide.
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NM1
[aka Nigelmanselone]
The byproduct of an audio engineer’s attempt to combine various types of audio/video/MIDI and robotics technology into 1 do-it-awl masheen. While working, this still unknown engineer was watching the Formula One World Championship race of 1986 on Terra Firma. When the winner was announced, in its excitement, the engineer tripped over its equipment, short-circuiting his werk, sending a massive power surge throughout the system and its body, thus fusing its body into an amorphous anomaly with the techno-morass. The techno-fused-morass-mutation bumped into G-Lightflash during a rowdy brawl at Station Lullaby Cabaret one dark evening. NM1 hitched a ride aboard Goddestroyer1, and the rest, as they say is…
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Oily Colour Pile Nebulae
[aka O.C.P.N. / OCPN]
The viscous, amorphous bands of color that stream across the glassy panes of intellect inhabited by Sky Pirates and all of their progenitors. Think outer space except it’s all in your head. Or someone’s. And the Sky Pirates, who may or may not be real, are busy helping you defend it from Corprat invasion.
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One Way, The
There are many ways to do things. The ONE WAY refers to the Sky Pirate faith that All is ONE and ONE is All. As can be learned from the teachings of the Great Walla Walla: Everything that one does is reflected in everything, and vice versa. The Great Walla Walla’s greatest teaching still remains the simplest: Close Your Eyes and Breathe.
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Natureworld, Planet
A desolate rock that was terra-formed under the command of the Great Walla Walla as a place for life to flourish without mandate or agenda, in the way that nature desires – wild and unbridled – that was later commandeered by the Corprat Empyre. The Corprats claimes that the project could potentially lead to untold dangers such as the proliferation of chaos, disease, randomness, and lack of accountability and so assumed command of the planet which was therafter under Corprat Rule and administered by Bureaucrats.
In order to keep the planet in check, the Corprats deployed a small population of robots to patrol the planet, and not wanting to squander the expense, programmed them to handle the postal service for the Corprat Empyre. The planet quickly transformed from a place of life and exuberance to the equivalent of a well-manicured lawn that completely defeated the purpose of Walla’s original efforts.
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Pleiaedan Cigar
It is known throughout the Trans-Dimensional Rift that the finest pull to be had comes off the first drag of a Pleiaedan Cigar. Though many have risked their lives, still none have found the source of this rare and expensive “tobacco”. It is rumoured to have originated, as the name implies, in the Pleiades Sisters’ star cluster, on a small comet rich in phosphor, nitrous oxide and other unidentified “toxic constituents”. But many pilgrammages and wars later, the comet is still nowhere to be found. These days, the only place to find the prized stogie is on the black market at Station Wetsex, from the shady and very hard to find Torten the III, Esquire. But you didn’t hear that here.
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Redshift 4.26
Redshift 4.26 is the enigmatic scribe from the planet Natureworld said to be the original author of the infamous Legend of the Sky Pirates. Some tie Redshift 4.26 to the enigmatic Sky Pirate legend G-Lightflash. Others say that the association is a load of bullocks merely imitating the Legend of The Comte de Sainte Germaine.
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Riders, The
A specialized corps of calveric Atropian warriors who woman ZXQ28134210 Cyclical Turbomissile Gyres. [See Also: Atropia, ZXQ28134210 Cyclical Turbomissile Gyres]
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Robot Pride Day
It is generally agreed upon that in the year 3014, on August 4th to be precise, a strange figure known only as Darla cut a fiery swath through the myopic tenders of planet Natureworld’s Corprat elite to the Lullaby Cabaret. Here she commandeered the digruntled Robot Postal Workers (RPW) to join her in a play, a demand, for the stripping away of their arbitrary identification codes in exchange for publicly and socially recognized unique identities. This unprecedented act of solidarity in the name of individuality and creative expression came to be known by all allies of The Great Walla Walla, and its allies – The Sky Pirates, simply as: ROBOT PRIDE DAY.
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ShyOne
Deep within the crystal warrens under the surface of Arctur Three, the Engineer of the elusive elfin race of Shys came to the realization that there was limited joy in the creative process when the fruits of such were limited in the scope of their sharing. Sadly but respectfully, his people supported his desire to leave the Homeworld as no other Shy had ever done, and gifted him with their most precious artifact, the Bag O Stuff, and assisted in the cybernetic surgery to aid him survive, explore and document his journey into the outside world.
The beings which first he met, being unable to pronounce his original name and having never met a Shy before, gave him the name ‘ShyOne’ and taught him much to prepare himself for his travels. Many were his advenutures and trials in the Outside until one day when he received a summons from a the being Gematria, whom he had occasionally met during his travels, requesting urgent assistant in a matter most pressing and grave… and thus the story began.
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Sky Pirate Gods
However, despite the unity message disseminated by Walla Walla, the Sky Pirates are polytheistic. At Blue Dog Pict shows with the Touring Sky Pirate Roadshow, images of these gods were always embedded into the architecture. These gods include:
Clarke Rake: The god of Going Really Fast.
Bugnisch: The god of Independence and Festivity.
jMaeströk: The god of Pea Schiveir and The Tangent.
Carlos: The dog of Blue Dog Pict.
Staege Zshow: The god of High Fidelity/High Intensity Performance.
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Teddy
One of the first companions ShyOne travelled with gave him upon their eventual parting a gift that was an artifact known as a ‘Proxy’… a spiritual and emotional vessel that has the ability to capture the positive and caring emotions of an individual while in its possession and then release them when willingly lent to another.
ShyOne’s Proxy is fashioned in the shape of a small, soft, cuddly brown Teddy Bear, and thus the name which it bears. (Pun not intended)
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That-Which-Warms-The-Belly
A liqueur mixture invented by ShyOne of-the–08.ZIYA’s Uncle. The syrup liquid is often added to Arcturian Cocoa on particularly cold nights in the OCPN. Once available at every port, dwindling supplies have created a black market demand.
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08.ZIYA, The
An ancient investigations vessel from the Numbered Series Sky Pirate fleet. The 08.ZIYA was said to be made of wood and powered by a mysterious scientific anomaly affectionately known as the Great Ape of York. The Captain of this vessel, known simply as “Gematria” was granted the status of “Mission Specialist” by a the Order of the Great WALLA WALLA after its (Gem’s) many successful and top secret missions aboard Goddestroyer1.
[See also: ShyOne, Goombaboy, Goddestroyer1, Great Ape of York]
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ZXQ28134210 Cyclical Turbomissile Gyre
A powerful anti-Corpratic weapon created by and limited to the use of Atropian cavalric women [See Also: Atropia].
The launcher, a large circular disk, is gravitationally specific to its current universal orientation in relation to Atropia itself. The result of this is, naturally, that although the disk (on which its operator rides) seems to float aimlessly in the air it is sympathetic to the wealth of “Cord” (unique atropian undivulged energy source) provided from it’s home planet. Each Gyre is operator specific, and works as an extension of her body and consciousness. Because of this unique and advanced weapon, the Atropian Cavalric Rider is hard to surprise. The Riders (as they have come to be called) will defend their gyres with their lives against the threat of possession by corpratic agents.
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Incept
Date: [12/28/95] Last Submission Entered: [08/03/2010]
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